Had a good day, despite evidence to the contrary! Went for a ride this morning. Ended up getting lost (missed my turn-off for the shorter loop), and very far from where I was supposed to be, broke my bike, and nearly ended up walking my bike about 7 miles out of the park! Fortunately, a couple rode by and pointed me in the direction of the visitors’ center which was only a mile or so up the path. I worked on the derailer to get it off my wheel, and was able to ride it back to the center where i called Steve and asked him to pick me up (oh yeah, my cell phone died, too).

Ended up riding 15.5 miles, just the same. And did my 30 min. walk/run thing, too; so like I said, I had a good day.

Swam 1500 yds last night during masters swim. I got there and saw the schedule on the board and immediately thought, “There’s no F’ing way I’m gonna be able to do that!”. But I finished each little piece and got closer and closer to the end, and by the end of the hour, I’d completed it! Thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to move this morning, but I was fine. So that’s 3 runs, a bike ride, and a swim this week. I have one more ride and one more run scheduled by Sunday. Not bad. Now I just need to add in some weights and/or core work. I was going to swim tomorrow, but then I won’t really have a day off, as I’ll be working with SWOOP on Saturday, followed by football. Don’t want to overdo it!

Thanks to T for setting up the schedule for me and for the encouragement.

It just dawned on me how coincidental the timing of Karen’s call is. It was just during my last session with Michelle that I mentioned in passing an idea about doing doggie socialization stuff, and how I enjoy working with dog people. Hmmm. Ask and ye shall receive? Thanks, HAG.

I have a job! Well, I don’t have it at the moment, but i called Karen back today and she offered me a job doing some dog walking for her as she has enough work to farm out. Apparently, she was waiting to get up with me until she’d sorted out some stuff with her business partner (who may also be her partner, though I thought they’d split up quite a while ago…). They’ve split the business, so they had to figure out who was going to take which clients. I couldn’t tell from what she said and how she said it whether the split was particularly amicable. I got a lot of mixed signals. I guess I could have asked her more about it, since it seemed there were a couple of openings, but I didn’t feel it was my place. This is one of those social gray areas I don’t really get. When is an opening an opening? and How much is too much in terms of asking someone about what’s going, and how much is too little? I hate it when people assume a greater degree of familiarity with me than seems appropriate based on how long or how well we’ve known each other and don’t want to be guilty of the same; but I also don’t want to come across as indifferent…

Anyway, she has a client or two in Cary and another client or two up in North Raleigh who need mid-day care. She’s going to get back to me with the logistics, and after my trip to FL, I’ll join her on her walks for a few days to learn the ropes. Then it’s off to the races…It’s something I can do while the kids are in school, and if I decide I like it, and if I’m good at it, then I could potentially have regular work. Don’t figure it pays very well–we didn’t even talk about it and at this point I don’t care that much. The point is that it’ll help me feel at least a little less dependent. It’ll also give me something to do, it’s outdoors, and it allows for the opportunity of extra socializing and for my own dogs if I chose to do that later on. I’ll have to figure out the taxes thing, as I’d be an independent contractor, but that’s just paperwork–not like it’s going to throw us into a higher tax bracket.

Obviously, I’m pleased to have the opportunity to work with her, too, though it’ll be mostly on paper and via the phone/e-mail; but it’s nice none-the-less. So, we’ll see. I enjoyed talking with her. She’s kind of a weird person to talk to, though I can’t really say why. It was interesting–she made a comment at one point about how there were differences in the way she and her partner liked to do things and one of those hinged on communication. When we knew each other before, we mostly talked about dogs and training. I’m sitting here trying to figure out what it was I liked about her. I think it was shared interests and the fact that she smiles easily and laughs willingly. We laughed on the phone, too, though I couldn’t say about what…

It’ll be nice to actually see her again, and maybe this time I’ll get to know her better. But I’m a little nervous about it. I don’t quite know what happens to old crushes. I’ve never had this kind of experience where someone I liked comes back into my life. I was really nervous returning her call, but once we got over the “how ya doin’s” and were talking about business, I was fine. I guess I’m worried about things being weird. Afterall, she was a huge reason I quit doing the dog training stuff, though she didn’t know it. I just liked her too much. Man, when I think about it, that was a major crush… I must be about as dumb as they come. How could I have not wondered if I might be even just a little gay? Hello? She’s a woman, you’re having fantasies about leaving your husband and running away with her. Yet, I don’t remember ever questioning it. I just liked her and wanted to be with her and wanted her to want to be with me. You know, just little stuff.

Hmmm. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how it all plays out, and whether I’m still uncomfortable working with her. Seems that the fact that I’m, well, more AWARE of my interest in women could make it either better or worse and I won’t know until I know.

Karen called today–agility training Karen. I’d e-mailed her back in late January–sort of an attempt to reconnect, but also to ask if she might have some dog-walking to throw my way. Then she calls me two months later. Of course, I happened to be at the grocery store this morning when she called, so Steve answered the phone and took a message–her phone number.

I didn’t call her back. It WAS a busy day afterall… but really I was just too–what?–chicken? Kinda like taking my bio off the Tango site! I really liked Karen. Not just in a crushy sort of way, but she was cool and she made me laugh, and then there was all the crushy stuff on top of it; so today I just wasn’t sure what I’d say or how I’d come off, since things have kinda changed for me. I’ll call her tomorrow though. It’d be nice to catch up.

Still feeling weird about the whole lodge thing, mostly because I won’t know anybody there. Thinking about bailing on this one. Wrote the woman who’s coordinating it and was frank with her about it. Of course, it may be moot as my family has made plans to all be in Florida that week of the lodge outing, and I’m not sure I’m going to have the wherewithall to handle a week with my family followed by a weekend with strangers! I let her know there was also a chance I wouldn’t be able to make it for that reason. Thought it was reasonable to let her know both sides of the story, so to speak…it just felt like the honest thing to do. She replied briefly to say she’s out of the country and can’t respond but that she appreciated my candor, so I guess it was OK to be frank… OK with me, yes; just feeling insecure about the way in which I handle some things.

It’s had me thinking. Seems that people are kind of put off by honesty sometimes. I wonder if it’s because they’re not used to it–if they always assume there’s some hidden agenda, or if honesty makes them uncomfortable somehow. I could have just told her I might not be able to make it because of the family thing; but that was an incomplete truth. Just wondering about why I feel so obliged to tell the whole story.

I’m glad we’ll get to see my brothers and their wives, and the niece and nephews. Aaron and Daniel are so excited. Mom and Dad have arranged for a place for the boys and me to stay, with them near the beach where Don and his family are camping. I’d PREFER to camp, but there aren’t any spots available. There’s still a small chance I could get a walk-up, but i’m not holding my breath… I’m just worried about how Mom and Dad and my boys are going to get along. They really don’t like kids, and especially loud, rambunctious ones!

Well, I’m falling asleep as I type, so I guess that’s a signal that I should go to bed. Been sleeping on the couch all week so I can get the puppy out. Steve and I have been drifting apart. Doesn’t exactly feel bad. A little weird, though.

Ran again today. T outlined a running program, as well as a training program in general for me to follow in order to try to get prepared for the triathlon. That was really nice of her. She makes pretty good money doing this for other people, so I appreciate the time and effort she put into it. So I’ve run twice following her plan. I’ll run two more times this week, swim twice and hopefully get in two rides, though those are the least important at this point–I need to work on distance for swimming and running. If I get those down, I can start working on speed on my bike. But I’m working on it with baby steps. Trying to focus on one day at a time. I nearly didn’t run today, but I decided to get a shuffle or a bosu if i made it through the entire week of workouts, plus I DO have some added accountability. She asks me daily if I’ve worked out. Since I can’t lie, and I know she’s going to ask everyday, and I know she’d be disappointed if I failed to keep up with the training, I have to go! Plus she did invest some time and effort into setting up the program and it seems that it would be disrespectful of her generosity not to give it a fair shake.

Blah, blah, blah

One last thing, and then I’m going to sleep! This puppy is hilarious. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to manage her! Definitely need to start increasing my speed and distance running so she can be my little running partner. And Pogo really seems to be enjoying having her around. She never much cared for Takua, and Takua, despite being twice Pogo’s size, always seemed intimidated by her. Not so with this little one. My god she’s funny. SMART, too. You can just see those little wheels turning. Watches everything. Figured out how to let me know when she needs to go out after I caught her almost in the act, let out a little scream and grabbed her up and ran outside to her spot. Next time she had to go, she came up to me and went toward the door, then came back to me and stared and wagged her tail, and ran back toward the door. That’s pretty darned smart for a pup, especially at her age, and considering the fact that she’s in a new environment for less than a week! Shows amazing adaptability. Of course, tomorrow, she’ll probably pee all over the house…

Gotta go to bed. I’m sure she’s going to be up in another hour… I’m so stupid.

Don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without posting. Guess I just don’t have much to say these days. Kinda in a holding pattern. Decided it’s a lot like being stuck in traffic. Not really much you can do about it, so you just crank up the music and sing.

I’m not feeling like singing right now though. One of the neighborhood kids shot Daniel with a pellet gun today. Fortunately it was in the side, instead of in the face! My dad always told us never to shoot at anything we weren’t willing to eat. Obviously that’s not a universal principle. I believe I could probably count the number of people I truly dislike on two hands. He and his family take up four fingers. Don’t think they’ll be on my Christmas card list this year….

Of course, the mom isn’t at home, and she and his dad are divorced, so there’s not much I can do at the moment. I’ve looked it up to be sure, and found the ordinance that states that discharging a firearm within town limits is against the law. The idiot was no more than 10 ft away!!!! So, it is perfectly within my rights to call the police, but Steve thinks we should speak with his mother first, whenever she gets home…

I should have just called the police.

Seems wrong, in a social norms sort of way, but I went ahead and got a puppy today. And actually, it was a good decision. The boys have dealt with enough death in their short lives, and this was one death I could soften somewhat. Yesterday after school, I took the boys to see the puppies I’d seen on Tuesday and again yesterday after my appt. w/Michelle. It’s a good litter. They’re healthy and happy. I’d narrowed it down to three pups, and when we arrived, one had been adopted, so that left us with two. The problem was, Daniel had seen the puppies outside when we drove up, and both he and Aaron wanted to see them all. What could it hurt, really? I thought. And that, too, was a good decision. We looked at them individually so I could see how each responded to the boys. Of course, Aaron and Daniel each chose a different dogs as his favorite. Daniel picked the one who had been my first choice originally, but I decided she was really much too fiesty. Aaron picked the one I’d decided for sure I wasn’t interested in, as she was about as exciting as a pillow. So we left empty-handed (as I’d told them we would) with the understanding that I’d figure things out overnight.

When I came home this morning with the news about Oscar, one of the boys said something along the lines of, “Well, now we have to adopt a new dog and a new cat.” I decided I didn’t want to deal with it and that puppies weren’t in our future for a while again. Then, on the way home from my appt. w/Dr. Harrison, I decided to run by the shelter. They had a lot of dogs today, including three puppies in the very back. I looked at them and a few others, then went back to look again. I noticed a comment on the puppy sheet that said their mom was in the shelter as well, so I went to check her out. She was great. Confident, slightly submissive, gentle, eager to please. I’d have taken her home but for fear of how she’d handle children and another adult female dog. Meeting her sealed the deal, really. The puppies seemed nice, but they’re young–8 weeks–so it’s hard to tell. Knowing the mom has such a great temperament was enough to tip the balance. I went back to get the number off the kennel so I could get the paperwork started for the adoption and I laughed out loud when I read the puppy’s name. It’s Kahlua. It’s funny because when people couldn’t remember our passed-dog’s name, Takua, they’d often call him Kahlua. Just seemed right.

So I brought her home, showed her around, introduced her to Pogo and set her up in her crate. Then it was time to pick up the boys. Needless to say, they were thrilled to learn that they were really, trully getting a puppy, but equally puzzled when they asked which of the puppies they’d seen yesterday had I chosen and I said “None.” I think they were both a little disappointed not to be getting the puppy they’d picked, but once Kahlua introduced herself, she was numero uno. They spent the afternoon trading laps and arguing about her name, invited a couple of their friends to come over to meet her and play outside, played with her some more before and after dinner and enjoyed having some fluffy company during reading time. I REALLY hope she turns out as well as it seems she could. She’s doing great. The boys are doing well, though Aaron said he hoped she wouldn’t die, too. He corrected himself, pointing out that we’re all going to die sometime, but that he hoped she wouldn’t die any time soon. Daniel got a litle sad when he hopped into bed tonight and saw the picture he’d drawn this morning of Oscar and him in all of her favorite spots, but I know he’ll be OK.

We’ll all be OK. And there’s nothing like a little extra sunshine (in a fluffy little package) to help us along to that end.

Seems wrong, in a social norms sort of way, but I went ahead and got a puppy today. And actually, it was a good decision. The boys have dealt with enough death in their short lives, and this was one death I could soften somewhat. Yesterday after school, I took the boys to see the puppies I’d seen on Tuesday and again yesterday after my appt. w/Michelle. It’s a good litter. They’re healthy and happy. I’d narrowed it down to three pups, and when we arrived, one had been adopted, so that left us with two. The problem was, Daniel had seen the puppies outside when we drove up, and both he and Aaron wanted to see them all. What could it hurt, really? I thought. And that, too, was a good decision. We looked at them individually so I could see how each responded to the boys. Of course, Aaron and Daniel each chose a different dogs as his favorite. Daniel picked the one who had been my first choice originally, but I decided she was really much too fiesty. Aaron picked the one I’d decided for sure I wasn’t interested in, as she was about as exciting as a pillow. So we left empty-handed (as I’d told them we would) with the understanding that I’d figure things out overnight.

When I came home this morning with the news about Oscar, one of the boys said something along the lines of, “Well, now we have to adopt a new dog and a new cat.” I decided I didn’t want to deal with it and that puppies weren’t in our future for a while again. Then, on the way home from my appt. w/Dr. Harrison, I decided to run by the shelter. They had a lot of dogs today, including three puppies in the very back. I looked at them and a few others, then went back to look again. I noticed a comment on the puppy sheet that said their mom was in the shelter as well, so I went to check her out. She was great. Confident, slightly submissive, gentle, eager to please. I’d have taken her home but for fear of how she’d handle children and another adult female dog. Meeting her sealed the deal, really. The puppies seemed nice, but they’re young–8 weeks–so it’s hard to tell. Knowing the mom has such a great temperament was enough to tip the balance. I went back to get the number off the kennel so I could get the paperwork started for the adoption and I laughed out loud when I read the puppy’s name. It’s Kahlua. It’s funny because when people couldn’t remember our passed-dog’s name, Takua, they’d often call him Kahlua. Just seemed right.

So I brought her home, showed her around, introduced her to Pogo and set her up in her crate. Then it was time to pick up the boys. Needless to say, they were thrilled to learn that they were really, trully getting a puppy, but equally puzzled when they asked which of the puppies they’d seen yesterday had I chosen and I said “None.” I think they were both a little disappointed not to be getting the puppy they’d picked, but once Kahlua introduced herself, she was numero uno. They spent the afternoon trading laps and arguing about her name, invited a couple of their friends to come over to meet her and play outside, played with her some more before and after dinner and enjoyed having some fluffy company during reading time. I REALLY hope she turns out as well as it seems she could. She’s doing great. The boys are doing well, though Aaron said he hoped she wouldn’t die, too. He corrected himself, pointing out that we’re all going to die sometime, but that he hoped she wouldn’t die any time soon. Daniel got a litle sad when he hopped into bed tonight and saw the picture he’d drawn this morning of Oscar and him in all of her favorite spots, but I know he’ll be OK.

We’ll all be OK. And there’s nothing like a little extra sunshine (in a fluffy little package) to help us along to that end.